Dear Readers:
Dr. Ink recently found himself engaged in a social conversation at Poynter about the keys to a successful marriage. These “keys” were pegged specifically for men and women: “Advice to men on how to keep her happy” and “Advice to women on how to keep him happy.” (Note to gay couples: feel free to revise the pronouns.)
Here then are Doc’s top ten secrets on how to keep her happy. He offers them to news MEN with the understanding that they have some needs too. But that list is for another day. For today, concentrate on her.
- Remember, she may not be right. But she’s NEVER wrong.
- Any moron can send flowers on special occasions. Send flowers for NO occasion. If she works in an office, send them on a Tuesday, so they can sit on her desk all week. Attach a romantic note with no signature.
- Footrubs every night (with lotion). Full body massage once a week.
- When she’s talking to you, on occasion, put down the newspaper and, even better, turn off the television set. AMAZING results.
- When it comes to stuff around the house ask, “What can I do to help you?”
- A wise person (or wise guy) said that men are sexual microwaves, but women are conventional ovens, requiring pre-heating.
- Remember that all the nice things you do for her have equal value. No extra credit. A flower equals a Lexus.
- If she shows any interest, and you’ve got the money, buy it for her.
- No matter how she looks today, find the one thing that you can, with sincerity, praise: “That blouse makes your eyes look so blue.”
- If you want to make love every day, and she only wants once a year, compromise. Settle for every other day.
Extra credit: If she wants to talk to you about something that is bothering her, don’t try to FIX her problem. Chances are, she just wants to vent. If you feel incapable of empathy, fake it.
[ Comment upon Doc’s marital aids. Want to argue? Want to add one to the list? ]
