For the first time, Dr.
Ink interviews his inventor and keeper, Roy Peter Clark
Dr. Ink: What is the funniest thing that happened to
you on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”?
Clark:
I was on vacation when the call came from one of Oprah’s producers. So I had to head to a Men’s Wearhouse on Long
Island to pick out a
new wardrobe: black suit, blue shirt,
striped tie, black shoes. I looked “fly,” so to speak.
On a Thursday morning at 7:30, we got to Harpo Studios in Chicago in a stretch limo, and
when we got out I imagined that passersby were disappointed we weren’t Brad and
Angelina. (I’d take Karen over Miss
Puffy Lips any day!) Well, we went through
security. Our bags were checked. Our cell phones were confiscated. A young woman wanded us — first me, then Karen. I noticed the woman whisper something to Karen,
who then told me: “She says you should
zip your fly.”
Dr. Ink: What was the most serious thing that
happened?
Clark: The show was set up as a kind of town-hall
meeting on the question of whether we can believe what we are told from either
the government or the news media.
Although the give-and-take was civil, even amusing at times, I could
sense a brand of cynicism among members of the audience that I found
discouraging. By cynicism, I mean a
giant step beyond skepticism.
Dr. Ink: What should we do about that?
Clark:
I think we need to talk more about “framing” than about lies and truths. Often the government or the news media show
us a limited version of the truth. One
lady in the audience attacked the news media for not showing in gruesome detail
the effects of war on civilians. Others
attacked journalists for not showing enough of the “good things” that American
soldiers were doing for the Iraqi people.
No one wants to accept the possibility that both are true at the same
time.
Dr. Ink: What is Oprah Winfrey like in person?
Clark: Dynamic, intelligent, funny, charismatic and
beloved by the women in the audience.
She walked out onto the stage, before the cameras started rolling,
holding her shoes in her hand, a very down-to-earth image, but when she sat
down, her shoe person rushed on stage, knelt down, and put them on for
her. A coronation of sorts — if you can
crown someone’s feet. Someone else was
spritzing her hair.
Dr. Ink: Anything surprise you?
Clark: A friend of the family mentioned that she
was always struck by how handsome, well-dressed, and put together Oprah’s
audience seemed from the vantage point of the television screen. When you are one of the only guys sitting in
the middle of that sea of sisterhood, it’s even more apparent. But nothing is left to chance. And I came away again with the notion that certain
women, of the 500 in the audience, were directed toward the front in order to “design” Oprah’s audience. Very little
that we see happens by chance — which is its own interesting take on truth,
reality and the media.
Dr. Ink: Dr. Ink has always thought that you were a
complete zero compared to your amazing bride of 35 years. Karen is not just the woman behind the
throne. She IS the throne. It’s her world, and you’re nothin’ but a
squirrel, trying to get a nut.
Clark: Everything you just said was reinforced by
our experience with Oprah. My
humiliation began during my time with the make-up artist. She spoke in a slight accent and declared “YOUR SKIN IS SO DRY!” “I put on
moisturizer in the morning,” I whimpered, metrosexually. “IT IS NOT ENOUGH! YOU MUST WEAR IT ALL NIGHT!”
Then, of course, she saw Karen and began to gush. “Your eyes are so beautiful,” she cooed, “and
your makeup is perfect!”
After the show we were escorted to the Green Room, where we
exchanged pleasantries with Frank Rich, whose book we were discussing, and the
producers. Oprah walked in to thank us,
carrying a copy of the latest National Enquirer in her hand, upset about the way
she was portrayed on the cover. Karen
and Oprah began to discuss the contents of the supermarket tabloid. I got distracted for a moment, and turned back to
see Karen and Oprah hugging each other like long-lost sisters. Instant girlfriends.
Dr. Ink: If you wanted viewers to take away one idea
from those you expressed on the show, what would it be?
Clark: Unlike you, Doc, I can actually hold two
ideas in my mind simultaneously, so here they are: 1.) The only true reality show is called
Life. Everything else is scripted and
produced. 2.) What good is freedom of expression if you lack
the means to express yourself? And I’ll
throw in one more: Skepticism, yes;
cynicism, no.
Dr. Ink: Oprah can’t be so wise, if you are the
one getting invitations to her show and not the great Dr. Ink.
Clark: Try using more moisturizer and buying a nicer
suit.
— Dr. Ink, 170 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal
