The Onion
The satirical newspaper reports that the way to weather the economic storm isn't by investing in gold, bonds or CDs. It's print media, "the closest thing there is to a money tree." The advice to nervous investors: "You should be pouring all your cash into your local broadsheet right this second." They recommend diversifying one's investments with national and regional papers, as well as dailies and weeklies. "Other products fail, real estate bubbles burst, but print media is here to stay. The only retirement strategy anyone needs is as close as their local newsstand." || Related: Readers loved The Onion’s 9/11 issue, even though it wasn’t that funny