Journalists! Stop going to psychiatrists.

  1. You probably can't afford it.
  2. You can self-diagnose simply by looking at Friday afternoon's trending topics on Twitter.

Are you hurriedly trying to capitalize on the news that Daily Caller reporter Neil Munro interrupted President Obama during a press conference? (Perhaps with a slideshow about other recent Daily Caller triumphs?) Have you gotten zero work done in the last hour while enjoying and maybe even composing jokes about the incident?

Then you're a journalist, and this is probably as close as you'll ever get to real happiness. (Of course, you could be a corporate mole.) As for the infinite emptiness in your soul that remains after you file your story, well, your best bet for that is a job counselor or a Chicago Tribune reporter willing to buy you some drinks.

Or are you gripped by news that Lindsay Lohan was found unconscious in a California hotel? You are probably a normal human being. Go about your life.

Related: Your heckling is my aggressive questioning (The Huffington Post)