Why I am leaving Goldman Sachs: "Over the last 12 months I have seen five different managing directors refer to their own clients as 'muppets,' sometimes over internal e-mail," writes Greg Smith in a New York Times Op-Ed about quitting the investment bank. It has set the Internet alight this morning.

• Why Goldman Sachs is not leaving Goldman Sachs: "In our view, we will only be successful if our clients are successful."

Why I am joining Goldman Sachs: The new P.R. chief "declined to comment."

Why I am leaving the Empire: "The Empire today has become too much about shortcuts and not enough about remote strangulation. It just doesn’t feel right to me anymore."

Why you should "Deal with it or leave and open an Etsy store": Screwing clients is what financial firms do, pal.

• We'll be eavesdroping in the Goldman Sachs elevator for other responses later today.

Other departures:

Why I left Google: "The Google I was passionate about was a technology company that empowered its employees to innovate. The Google I left was an advertising company with a single corporate-mandated focus."

Why you're leaving Gatehouse Media: Because you're a copy editor, and not an executive due to get a large cash bonus in Q1.

56 people lost their jobs when VillageNet Media abruptly shut down all of its Maine papers.

Seven people leaving Rhode Island newspapering (hopefully temporarily): Layoffs at R.I.S.N. Operations, which owns the Kent County Daily Times, The Narragansett Times and other papers.

>> SORTA RELATED FLASHBACK: Resignation letters from journalists.

Non-leaving links:

• Despite Media General's "bumbling, feckless management team," Amit Chokshi sees some upsides to buying its newspaper division. Still: "bumbling." "Feckless."

• After Twitter bought Posterous, a lot of people moved their blogs to WordPress. WordPress says the acquisition "will be exciting for our friends at Twitter and well-earned for Posterous co-founder Sachin Agarwal," then gives clear instructions on how to abandon Posterous. My colleague Jeff Sonderman draws some lessons for journalists from the ack.

• LANGUAGE CORNER: Chinese bloggers get around the "Golden Shield" with homonyms, irony, in-jokes. And an American linguist discusses the word "slut." (h/t: my dad)

• TODAY IN DOONESBURY: Garry Trudeau says, "controversy is obviously good for business, especially if your business is satire." Blue in Virginia says The Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star practices selective outrage when it comes to language. The Athens Banner-Herald rethinks its decision not to confuse readers. And Nick Gillespie writes that Doonesbury would be great if it were funny.

• The race to write the best double-entendre Santorum headline will probably not be settled before June.

•  Alison Draper tells Michael Miner she is in fact looking for a buyer for the Chicago Reader, which according to this listicle is nearly as important as Washington City Paper.