OSCAR PISTORIUS FALLOUT: "In the wake of reports that double amputee Paralympic champion Oscar Pistorius, 26, had been charged with the murder of his girlfriend Thursday, a report filed today by the Pew Research Center stated that the world is now down to just five stories that are in any way inspirational." (The Onion)

APPLE DOESN'T PUT NEW HIRES ON BOZO DUTY: "Apple may have more than $137 billion of cash on hand, but it does not, for the record, hire people to do fake jobs." (The Atlantic Wire)

FICTIONAL REPORTER MAKES GIF: "Following his coverage of the president’s State of the Union address Tuesday night, Washington Post senior reporter Ed Karl, 66, said he’s just going to hope he liveblogged the speech correctly, sources confirmed." (The Onion)

@TheOnion  on Twitpic

SARAH PALIN WILL NOT WORK FOR AL JAZEERA: As it turns out, that scoop came from a satirical site. (The Washington Post)

POLICE CLOSE NEWSPAPER THEFT CASE: Last Thursday the Davidson County, N.C., Sheriff’s Office arrested Kenneth Lee Wright on charges he stole "9,000 newspapers belonging to The High Point Enterprise in 2008." Poynter's attempts to report out the particulars of this news brief have mostly been met with stony silence. (The Dispatch)

JONAH LEHRER GETS PAID $20,000 TO CONFESS HIS PLAGIARISM AT JOURNALISM FOUNDATION LUNCHEON: I know, it sounded like an Onion story to me, too. (Poynter)