When I finish writing this column about time management and the art of saying "no," I plan to read it many times. I'm as guilty as anyone of taking on too much and then bemoaning a bloated schedule. Why? Saying "yes" to a request just seems to be the right thing in the moment, or perhaps saying "no" just doesn't come easily enough.
Why do we say "yes" to assignments, tasks or favors when "no" is really a better option? Here are some reasons:
- We're workhorses, proud of our ethic; we say "bring it on, we can handle it."
- We're pleasers; we feel guilty when we disappoint others.
- We're ambitious; we may become more valuable by doing the requested task.
- We're egotistical experts; we like being the best person for the job.
- We're networkers; we believe helping colleagues builds important bonds.
- We're plungers, not planners; we react to requests without full consideration of our calendars.
- We're fearful; with so many staff cuts, so much work and so much pressure, it might be dangerous to decline.
Which of those sound most like your reasons? Figuring out what drives your reluctance to reject a request is the first step toward formulating a strategy for weeding out unproductive activities. Look at your reasons and ask yourself:
- How has this helped me?
- How has this hurt me?
- What am I not getting done in my professional and personal life because I say "yes" for the wrong reasons?
Your strategy for saying "no" should start with a look at important reasons to, in fact, accept whatever responsibility has been offered you. If what you're being asked to do is directly connected to the main responsibilities of your job, if it helps you demonstrate important leadership and success, if it is something only you can and should do, then do it. It's also wise to embrace the request if it provides you an extraordinary learning opportunity, the chance to build valuable social capital with your boss or a key colleague, or offers meaningful service to your community.
If the request doesn't meet those criteria, you have options:
- Delegate. (Pass it on.)
- Collaborate. (Share the task with others.)
- Negotiate. (Offer to do something else that fits with your time and priorities, or agree to stop doing something so you can comply with the request.)
- Decline. (Say some variation of "No Thanks.")
Negotiation is an especially valuable option when it helps you work with the other person to find mutually beneficial alternatives. It's an important skill and I'll write more about it in future columns.
But when the answer is "no," how do you find the right words to decline? You don't want to offend the requesting person, but you also don't want to sound so conflicted that you allow yourself to be talked back into "yes."
One key thing to remember is that you don't always have to give a detailed reason when you decline. Some folks really struggle with this, almost like presenting an airtight alibi to prove their innocence to the authorities. Well, if you are indeed dealing with "authorities," like your bosses or key managers, then provide sufficient reasons that demonstrate both your good will and bad schedule.
For others, you may simply and politely say, "I'm sorry, but I just can't fit that into my schedule" or "I have to take a pass on your request this time but hope I can help you in the future." In the first edition of "
Time Management from the Inside Out," author Julie Morgenstern advises rehearsing our "no's":
"If you're not used to it, prepare some answers in advance and memorize them. That way you won't be caught off guard and find the words 'Yes, of course I will' popping out of your mouth ... Practice saying 'I'm sorry, I just can't' and 'No' out loud. Say them with firmness and conviction until they feel natural."
I'm not sure that saying "no" is ever going to feel natural for those of us who gravitate more naturally toward "yes." But for the sake of our effectiveness as leaders, for the benefit of our work teams and our personal lives, it's time for us to get more positive about the occasional -- and strategic -- negative.
As you're building your "no thanks" strategy, is it ever okay to say "maybe" instead? Let's look at that in today's podcast "What Great Bosses Know about 'No Thanks'":
Poynter's "What Great Bosses Know" podcast is sponsored by
The City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism. Poynter's leadership and management expert Jill Geisler shares practical information that's valuable for bosses in newsrooms and everywhere. You can
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