Dear Readers:
Dr. Ink, the vigilant vigilante of language, has spotted a new outrage. You can buy coffee from Starbucks in three sizes. Apparently, small, medium, and large are too gauche for the trendsetters, who try to look as if they just got off the plane from Seattle -- even while they are knocking down a steaming cup of joe in semi-tropical St. Petersburg, Florida.
Did Doc say steaming cup of joe? Leave such déclassé parlance to the denizens of Dunkin Donuts. Starbucks groupies, like Doc's editor Barb Palser, prefer a "grande sugar-free vanilla soy latte." Even the kid mixing the concoction for Barb couldn't believe it. "I feel like I'm in Japan," he said.
But why "grande"? Why not "medium." More Orwellian, when did "small" become "tall?" Just to justify the pricetag? Where is George Carlin when we need him?
Perhaps journalists can lead a coup d'etat -- make that cup d'etat. First, when ordering coffee at Starbuck's, only use the words "small, medium, or large." If the clerk said, "You want a grande?" answer, "Yeah, a medium."
On that rare occasion, when a cup of Starbucks coffee becomes a detail in the story, translate its size into plain English: "The editor was scalded by a tall cup of chai. Tall is Starbucks talk for small, but it was tall enough to do some damage."
And, finally, to answer the question perplexing all of Doc's readers, 'venti' is Italian for 'twenty' and refers to the number of fluid ounces the largest cup holds.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh, come on. "Grande sugar-free vanila soy latte" is a mere six-word order. Hardly extraordinary in Starbucks vernacular, and hardly more finicky than a certain Poynter faculty member's "Tall decaf latte with two raw sugars." Besides, Inky isn't the first curmudgeon to get cranky over Starbucks' fancy menu. Methinks he needs to switch to decaf.
