Writing Tools

I'm always on the lookout for good, young writing talent. So I was delighted when my editor, Meg Martin, called my attention to the work of Thomas Lake, who reports from the Pasco bureau of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times. Appropriate for someone named Lake, Thomas seems to have specialized in stories about alligators. In fact, Thomas Lake is to alligators what Kelley Benham is to chickens and roosters.

But what really caught my eye was Lake's story about the county sheriff and his budget. Thomas had seen an essay I had written a while back titled "The Greatest Story Never Told," about an experimental piece of government reporting. He thought his story about the sheriff's budget would lend itself to a similar treatment -- an approach that Don Fry and I once dubbed "radical clarity."

Here's the lead:


There may be no dog to name in this story, but it's cool that the sheriff has the name of a bird. I like two things in Lake's approach: the pace and the voice. The pace is slow but steady, built upon those first short sentences and fragments. This story will have some complexity to it: the crime rate has gone down, but the number of calls has gone up. That slow pace eases us into the main issues. Absent is a clutter of numbers or bureaucratic language.

The voice is familiar. A neighbor's voice. The use of "you" gives it the sound of a conversation.

I invite you to make copies of this story and share it in your newsroom, especially with those reporters and editors who are covering government. Are the stories you write as clear and interesting as this one? Or do you offer readers "radical density" instead of "radical clarity"?

Thomas Lake turns hard facts into easy reading. As a reader, I'm grateful.

Note the tools: To make something clear, slow the pace of information. Use "you" to create the sense of a conversation. Use short sentences and words at points of complexity. Unclutter sentences and paragraphs. Ease the reader into a complex story.