Poynter Online Poynter Online
New UserLogin

Help Roy write his new book

THE GLAMOUR OF GRAMMAR:
A painless and practical guide to the elements of language.
Read all "Glamour of Grammar" posts.


Ask a question about writing

Contributors:

Roy Peter Clark


Roy's Reading List Books recommended on this blog

Subscribe to this blog's RSS feed

Sign up to receive this blog as an e-mail newsletter.


Tools

Fifty Writing Tools: Quick List and Audio Tips

Writing Tools podcasts

Download the Quick List [PDF]

Writing Tools -- The Musical


Other books by Roy Peter Clark:

Free to Write: A Journalist Teaches Young Writers

Journalism: The Democratic Craft

Coaching Writers

America's Best Newspaper Writing

The Changing South of Gene Patterson: Journalism and Civil Rights, 1960-1968

The Values and Craft of American Journalism


Also by Roy Peter Clark:

Poynter articles

Advice from Dr. Ink

Serial narrative
Three Little Words

The Honest Writer: Exploring the line between fact & fiction





Writing Tools
Roy Peter Clark provides tools for your writing toolbox.

Add/View All Writing Tools Feedback
More Writing Tools

A clear and interesting budget story!
I'm always on the lookout for good, young writing talent. So I was delighted when my editor, Meg Martin, called my attention to the work of Thomas Lake, who reports from the Pasco bureau of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times. Appropriate for someone named Lake, Thomas seems to have specialized in stories about alligators. In fact, Thomas Lake is to alligators what Kelley Benham is to chickens and roosters.
Poynter Podcasts

Poynter Online - Roy's Writing Tools - Tool #12
Two-Minute Tools
Roy Peter Clark talks about Writing Tool #12: Give key words their space.

Produced by Meg Martin
Listen | Download
Drag to iTunes


But what really caught my eye was Lake's story about the county sheriff and his budget. Thomas had seen an essay I had written a while back titled "The Greatest Story Never Told," about an experimental piece of government reporting. He thought his story about the sheriff's budget would lend itself to a similar treatment -- an approach that Don Fry and I once dubbed "radical clarity."

Here's the lead:

Your sheriff has his hand out. He says he has needs. More deputies to keep the peace. More cars to propel them. More vests to protect them.

Most of all, more money to pay them.

Bob White is asking county commissioners for the largest sheriff's budget increase in 16 years. His reasoning comes down to this. You and your fellow Pasco County residents called for service nearly 40 percent more last year than you did five years earlier, and he needs more troops to meet your demands.

There may be no dog to name in this story, but it's cool that the sheriff has the name of a bird. I like two things in Lake's approach: the pace and the voice. The pace is slow but steady, built upon those first short sentences and fragments. This story will have some complexity to it: the crime rate has gone down, but the number of calls has gone up. That slow pace eases us into the main issues. Absent is a clutter of numbers or bureaucratic language.

The voice is familiar. A neighbor's voice. The use of "you" gives it the sound of a conversation.

I invite you to make copies of this story and share it in your newsroom, especially with those reporters and editors who are covering government. Are the stories you write as clear and interesting as this one? Or do you offer readers "radical density" instead of "radical clarity"?

Thomas Lake turns hard facts into easy reading. As a reader, I'm grateful.

Note the tools: To make something clear, slow the pace of information. Use "you" to create the sense of a conversation. Use short sentences and words at points of complexity. Unclutter sentences and paragraphs. Ease the reader into a complex story.  
-- Roy Peter Clark, vice president & senior scholar
Posted at 3:51:42 PM

E-mail this item | Add/View Feedback (1) | QuickLink this item: A111053


Writing Tools Archive
View items published between:   and   
(MM/DD/YYYY) (MM/DD/YYYY)

MAIN | Back to Top



Search Poynter Online
Search Poynter Online

Looking at 'The Bottom Line': Lessons from a Photo Essay
Looking at 'The Bottom Line': Lessons from a Photo Essay
New On Poynter
Your Elevator Speech
by Jill Geisler

War Coverage
What do readers want?

Fireworks Shortage
Al's Tuesday Meeting

More Alzheimer's Cases
Al's Tuesday Meeting

Lester's No-Hitter
Page One Today

BlogHer Meets Obama
By Kim Pearson

Spotty Pet Microchips
Al's Monday Meeting

A Case for Subsidies?
By Rick Edmonds

Taking a Grammar Vote
By Roy Peter Clark

Covering Disabilities
By Susan LoTempio


  Site Map | Advertise | Search | Contact | FAQ | Our Guidelines QuickLink  
  Copyright © 1995-2008 The Poynter Institute
  801 Third Street South | St. Petersburg, FL 33701 | Phone (888) 769-6837
  Site developed & hosted by DataGlyphics, Inc.



Poynter Career Center
Tuesday: Color Paper in Portfolio?
Giving Credit Costs Little