For the first time, Dr. Ink interviews his inventor and keeper, Roy Peter Clark

Dr. Ink

Dr. Ink: What is the funniest thing that happened to you on "The Oprah Winfrey Show"?

Clark: I was on vacation when the call came from one of Oprah's producers. So I had to head to a Men's Wearhouse on Long Island to pick out a new wardrobe: black suit, blue shirt, striped tie, black shoes. I looked "fly," so to speak.

On a Thursday morning at 7:30, we got to Harpo Studios in Chicago in a stretch limo, and when we got out I imagined that passersby were disappointed we weren't Brad and Angelina. (I'd take Karen over Miss Puffy Lips any day!) Well, we went through security. Our bags were checked. Our cell phones were confiscated. A young woman wanded us -- first me, then Karen. I noticed the woman whisper something to Karen, who then told me: "She says you should zip your fly."

Dr. Ink: What was the most serious thing that happened?

Clark: The show was set up as a kind of town-hall meeting on the question of whether we can believe what we are told from either the government or the news media. Although the give-and-take was civil, even amusing at times, I could sense a brand of cynicism among members of the audience that I found discouraging. By cynicism, I mean a giant step beyond skepticism.

Dr. Ink: What should we do about that?

Clark: I think we need to talk more about "framing" than about lies and truths. Often the government or the news media show us a limited version of the truth. One lady in the audience attacked the news media for not showing in gruesome detail the effects of war on civilians. Others attacked journalists for not showing enough of the "good things" that American soldiers were doing for the Iraqi people. No one wants to accept the possibility that both are true at the same time.

Dr. Ink: What is Oprah Winfrey like in person?

RELATED RESOURCES

Roy's latest appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" For more on Roy's most recent appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," see "Skepticism: The antidote to 'truthiness' in American government and media" For notes on his earlier appearance, see "James Frey's 'A Million Little Pieces' of Truth"

Clark: Dynamic, intelligent, funny, charismatic and beloved by the women in the audience. She walked out onto the stage, before the cameras started rolling, holding her shoes in her hand, a very down-to-earth image, but when she sat down, her shoe person rushed on stage, knelt down, and put them on for her. A coronation of sorts -- if you can crown someone's feet. Someone else was spritzing her hair.

Dr. Ink: Anything surprise you?

Clark: A friend of the family mentioned that she was always struck by how handsome, well-dressed, and put together Oprah's audience seemed from the vantage point of the television screen. When you are one of the only guys sitting in the middle of that sea of sisterhood, it's even more apparent. But nothing is left to chance. And I came away again with the notion that certain women, of the 500 in the audience, were directed toward the front in order to "design" Oprah's audience. Very little that we see happens by chance -- which is its own interesting take on truth, reality and the media.

Dr. Ink: Dr. Ink has always thought that you were a complete zero compared to your amazing bride of 35 years. Karen is not just the woman behind the throne. She IS the throne. It's her world, and you're nothin' but a squirrel, trying to get a nut.

Clark: Everything you just said was reinforced by our experience with Oprah. My humiliation began during my time with the make-up artist. She spoke in a slight accent and declared "YOUR SKIN IS SO DRY!" "I put on moisturizer in the morning," I whimpered, metrosexually. "IT IS NOT ENOUGH! YOU MUST WEAR IT ALL NIGHT!"

Then, of course, she saw Karen and began to gush. "Your eyes are so beautiful," she cooed, "and your makeup is perfect!"

After the show we were escorted to the Green Room, where we exchanged pleasantries with Frank Rich, whose book we were discussing, and the producers. Oprah walked in to thank us, carrying a copy of the latest National Enquirer in her hand, upset about the way she was portrayed on the cover. Karen and Oprah began to discuss the contents of the supermarket tabloid. I got distracted for a moment, and turned back to see Karen and Oprah hugging each other like long-lost sisters. Instant girlfriends.

Dr. Ink: If you wanted viewers to take away one idea from those you expressed on the show, what would it be?

Clark: Unlike you, Doc, I can actually hold two ideas in my mind simultaneously, so here they are: 1.) The only true reality show is called Life. Everything else is scripted and produced. 2.) What good is freedom of expression if you lack the means to express yourself? And I'll throw in one more: Skepticism, yes; cynicism, no.

Dr. Ink: Oprah can't be so wise, if you are the one getting invitations to her show and not the great Dr. Ink.

Clark: Try using more moisturizer and buying a nicer suit.

-- Dr. Ink, 170 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal

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