Since last we met on this blog, I've been catching up on my book reading -- or, should I say, book tasting, for it is now the rare book that captures my attention from beginning to end. But what I might find tasty, you might wish to devour, so I'm happy to share my reading experience.

For a mere five bucks, I picked up a used edition of "Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit," compiled by Wayne F. Hill and Cynthia J. Öttchen. This edition, published by Ebury Press, dates from 1996 and contains a life's worth of witty put-downs. In a culture saturated with smack-talking and pathetic online putdowns ("man, u r fat, and your singing suks"), it is refreshing to see the insult perfected to an art form. 

"Shakespeare gets the last word," write the editors. "He can lend you just the fulsome, dripping line to drop on your pretentious boss, your mother-in-law, that other driver. ... Indulge yourself. His genius sticks. This book collects the smartest stings ever to snap from the tip of an English-speaking tongue. Go practice. Begin in the mirror."

How about some general abuse:


How about some handy expletives:


Need some ready insults for particular occasions?

Against the rotund: "If your girdle should break, how would thy guts full about thy knees!"

Against the smelly: "His breath stinks with eating toasted cheese."

Against the disloyal: "There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune."

Against stupidity: "His brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after a voyage."

Against the contemptible: "What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name."

Pop Quiz:

Here are four insults thrown against people of questionable sexual morality. Three come from Shakespeare. One comes from responses on YouTube. Try to guess which is which:



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