When Rocky Mountain News reporter Berny Morson tweeted from a child’s funeral in 2008, journalists called the incident “repulsive” and “tasteless.” Now, it seems, nothing is off-limits when it comes to Twitter. People are using the tool not only to tweet from funerals, but to share personal experiences with death, illness and even rape. Why?
To find emotion, capture the past
Ben Montgomery, a reporter at Poynter’s St. Petersburg Times, felt “raw” and “emotionless” when his father died last month. Before leaving for his dad’s funeral in Oklahoma, he told two of his colleagues that he needed to try to connect with something. “Then it struck me,” he said in a phone interview. “Maybe I should just live tweet this thing.”
He sent a few tweets before boarding the plane for his dad’s funeral and, when he landed, saw that several people had sent their condolences via Twitter.
“Thanks, friends, but my father was an irresponsible drunk who abandoned us,” he tweeted in response. “Don’t feel sorry.”
Montgomery didn’t tweet for sympathy. He tweeted because writing stories — whether they’re 1,400-word narratives or 140-character tweets — is how he captures moments in time. It’s how he makes sense of what happens in life.
“I don’t think in any sense it was therapeutic. It’s what I do; I write about things, and this was no different,” said Montgomery, whose tweets read like a narrative. “We’ve been writing about death for thousands and thousands of years in a million different ways — in books and magazines and newspapers, and subway tunnels and on the rear windshields of automobiles and cave walls. Tweeting just feels like another version of all that.”
While some people told him it was wrong to tweet from his dad’s funeral, Montgomery said responses were mostly positive. He tried to be tactful about it; instead of burying himself in his phone, he was discreet. And he wasn’t afraid to share the flaws that made his dad real. “Paul reminded me of the time dad told us to stay put and don’t move ’til he got back. We did, on a sidewalk in front of a casino in Vegas.”
To stay connected, get support
Author Laura Zigman had just started corresponding with other writers and editors on Twitter when her mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She direct messaged some of them when her mom was diagnosed, and occasionally tweeted updates about how her mom was doing.
Because she was taking care of her mother so much, Zigman wasn’t able to spend as much time with friends. Tweeting, she said via email, helped her stay connected.
“Major illness, whether it’s your own or someone close to you, puts you in a parallel universe,” said Zigman, whose mother died five months after her diagnosis. “You exist in both worlds simultaneously but in a disassociated kind of way. Lurking on Twitter, occasionally tweeting and answering DMs from certain followers, all were quick and easy moments of communication that were relatively few and far between.”
As she tweeted, she heard from others who lost loved ones to cancer. One of her Twitter followers — author Julie Klam — saw her tweets and put her in touch with an editor whose father had recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, too.
“After my mother died and after his father died, we’d check on each other, sometimes daily, mostly weekly — always on critical milestones (first birthdays without the parent, first holidays, various ‘cancerversaries),” she said. “We compared notes on how our surviving parents were coping. It was really amazing.”
To gain strength, feel less alone
Author Beth Wareham also found support on Twitter when her dad fell ill. Tweeting, she said via email, gave her energy when she was feeling worn out and weak.
One night, when she was alone with her dad in the ICU, she tweeted about it. As she did, she started getting messages from her followers, who were listening and sending their regards from afar. She didn’t know a lot of them, but said their support nevertheless helped her feel less alone.
“I don’t care about who reads my agonized tweets about my father’s dying,” said Wareham, who ended up losing her dad. “I care that we can reach out and draw on each other’s strength and experience. It saved my butt.” One of her Twitter followers, she said, even sent her a handmade painting of a white rose, which she hung over her fireplace. “It is a great symbol to me,” she said, “of the kindness of strangers.”
To help & educate others
Earlier this year, Andrea Gorder used Twitter to let people know she had been raped. While many people questioned her decision, Gorder said she doesn’t regret it. Tweeting about the deeply personal experience motivated others to share their stories.
“One of the shocking things about my openness was how many friends and strangers reached out to me to tell me they had been through similar experiences, and decided to keep silent,” she told me via email. “Journal keeping won’t help anyone else. Rape is a taboo subject where survivors are voiced to stay quiet, avoid or speak cautiously about.”
A suspect has been arrested in the case, but a trial date hasn’t been set. Gorder thinks her tweets may be one of the biggest challenges during the trial, when she will trying to show that she wasn’t making light of the situation. No doubt, she said, tweeting makes her vulnerable.
“It’s letting people into every aspect of my life. My Twitter is an open book on my experiences,” said Gorder, who occasionally still tweets about how the rape affected her. “I still see no reason to keep quiet about what happened to me. If I can help just one person, it’s worth it. People need to know that what they are going through is normal.”
To make the unknown less daunting
The desire to normalize difficult or new experiences was partly why tech writer Xeni Jardin tweeted about her first mammogram last month.
“I would tweet this new thing, like I do with lots of new things, and make the unknown and new feel less so,” she wrote in a piece about the experience. “Maybe by doing so … other women like me who’d never done this would also feel like it was less weird, less scary, more normal and worth doing without hesitation. I’d crack some 140-character jokes. I’d make fun of myself and others. I would Instagram my mammogram.”
Shortly after she tweeted about her mammogram, Jardin broke the news on Twitter that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer: “I have breast cancer. I am in good hands. There is a long road ahead and it leads to happiness and a cancer-free, long, healthy life.”
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