For an industry built on communicating information, journalists are absolutely terrible at communicating with each other. I’m always surprised by it. But given the number of anecdotes, jokes and horror stories I’ve heard, maybe I shouldn’t be.
Whether I’m teaching in St. Pete, Singapore, New York City or a virtual environment, I always get the same reaction: a guilty laugh. Everyone knows how bad we are at communicating with our peers, bosses and coworkers about our needs and problems at work.
It’s natural to want to avoid conflict, dodge difficult conversations and sidestep small talk. That instinct only grows stronger in distributed workplaces, where coworkers are spread across locations, timezones and schedules.
As workplaces evolve, the way we communicate has to evolve as well. Author Erica Dhawan explores how we can better understand this change in her book “Digital Body Language.”
“Communicating what we really mean today,” she writes, “requires that we understand today’s signals and cues at a granular level while developing a heightened sensitivity to words, nuance, subtext, humor and punctuation — things we mostly think of as the field of professional writers.” To thrive, she argues, we have to “master a language that didn’t exist 20 years ago.”
Think about your last workday. You probably talked to someone in-person, joined a group meeting, read an email, sent an email, replied all, CCed or BCCed someone, sent an instant message, sent a direct message, talked on the phone, left a voicemail, ignored a phone call, hosted a video call, joined on a video call praying they don’t ask for cameras on, changed your tone of voice, made eye contact, raised an eyebrow, forwarded a link, replied with emojis, left a comment in a shared document or — the strongest communication method in the world — stayed silent.
Everything I listed is its own form of communication, with its own rules, nuance and policies, or lack thereof. Add in other differences like cultures, accommodations, languages, gender and, especially, generations, and communication gets exponentially more complex.
, Nicholas Pearce, writing for Harvard Business Review, notes that today’s workplaces can span six generations. That creates friction. “Multigenerational teams often experience significant interpersonal tensions in collaborating across the generational divides. This includes differences in norms regarding the use of technology, communication, giving and receiving feedback, perceptions of what ‘hard work’ and even what ‘good leadership’ looks like.”
Dhawan takes this further, contrasting digital adapters and digital natives. Adapters might feel like “texting is too invasive — like stepping across the boundaries of an ‘intimacy firewall’”
That rings true for me. For years, I treated my personal phone number as a divider between work and home. As the world has changed, I’ve had to adapt. The same can be said of digital natives, who treat a ringing phone with disdain, mistrust or impending doom, but sometimes still need to answer a call from a manager.
When I ask people what getting a phone call means to them, I hear the same themes.
- Digital adapters assume whatever it’s about is too long or complex to use email or IM. Or the person on the other end just wants to chat.
- Digital natives assume the worst. They did something wrong, or they are being laid off.
What is easy for one group causes panic for the other.
The generational divide becomes even more complicated as we learn not how we prefer to communicate, it’s how we interpret the same messages. This is especially true of emojis. Sometimes a thumbs up might not mean what you think it means. What’s friendly and playful to some is passive-aggressive and threatening to others. (This topic deserves its own article, and I’d love your input.)
So, if we’re not speaking the same digital language and we prefer different communication methods, how do we lead and collaborate effectively?
- The easiest way to overcome communication barriers is to simply ask how people prefer to communicate. Personally, I prefer instant messaging. I’d rather you send a carrier pigeon than an email. But even then, I understand some items have to be sent by email for record keeping and tracking.
- Keeping it simple, the most welcoming thing you can do when a team member wants to talk is to put down your phone in person, or if online, minimize all your other windows. You may think you’re being sly by looking at that email or other message, but we can all see where your eyes and attention are. Being distracted signifies the person you are talking to is not worth your time or attention.
- Dhawan suggests communicating carefully and confidently. “Don’t rely too much on shorthand or send messages that are too general.” To collaborate confidently, “assume the best intentions when you read digital communications.”
- Make sure you define your terms early on. I once confused an entire room of journalists I was trying to pitch a new product to because I kept using “MVP” without saying what it meant. They couldn’t figure out how the most valuable player was connected to my idea. In the product/innovation world, I meant a minimum viable product, a prototype.
- Don’t be in a rush. Short messages might appear terse and typos can alter the message or undermine expertise. Take a pause and reread before you send that email or text.
The important thing is to understand is that every generation, every team and every person has different communication needs and preferences. If you want to make the move from being a good boss to a great leader, take the time to learn how your people prefer to connect. You can do that by having honest conversations about their ideal working conditions, actually listening to what they have to say and making changes to meet those needs.
Ask people how they like to connect. Listen, adjust, repeat. That’s how you build trust, and that’s how you make the message land.
