Eyes on the Nudes

Dear Dr. Ink,

The Victoria’s Secret show is airing tonight on CBS. How do I know this? Because it’s the only thing that has been on the news for two days. They’ll show a clip and talk about it, show a clip and talk about the models, and then show a clip and talk about how people shouldn’t be talking about it. Fox just showed a clip and talked about shopping for Christmas. The clips are played before the end of every single commercial break.

Obviously this must be an important event because it is getting more airplay than anything else, but I can’t figure out what it has to do with “news.” I can’t even figure out what it has to do with fashion because I’ve never been anyplace where the women walk around in underwear and wings. Doc, am I wrong for wanting to know what’s going on with the apocalypse pre-show in the Middle East, or should I just be content with soft-core porn shorts on Fox?

Signed,
A news porn curmudgeon

Answer: This curmudgeon has apparently never heard of “sweeps,” “the November book,” the ratings period where the number of eyeballs on the screen has special impact on ad revenues and, hence, profit margins. That’s why the final episode of “The Bachelor” is being aired this week, and that’s why we’re being subjected to another Victoria’s Secret lingerie show.

Fox’s coverage of such events is a form of coat-tailing, hitching your news wagon to a popular show. Local news stations on after Oprah were once encouraged to look for similar Oprah-tunities. So if the TV talk diva focused on child abuse, for example, the news station might promote its local take on the subject. When “American Idol” was attracting millions of viewers for Fox, the Tampa affiliate promoted a local version of the competition on its news programs.

The puritanical side of Dr. Ink finds all such “news” decisions reprehensible. This judgment is not meant to imply that popular culture is not a legitimate source of news reporting. It makes sense to do a feature story on local white rappers the week that Eminem’s new movie “8 Mile” is coming out. Such coverage provides a window on the culture. But Doc resents the crass distortion of news values and bottom feeding at the heart of the Fox soft-core porn war.

It should be clear by now that soft-core is oozing its sleazy way onto network television in an ill-advised attempt to keep up with the devolving standards of cable. For proof, we need look no further than the opening scenes of last night’s “NYPD Blue,” in which the squad captain and his ex share an early morning Clinton-Lewinsky moment in the interrogation room.